I am sick of telling people I don't want kids and coveting theirs. The truth is, I can't have them. Please don't make me lie anymore. Please don't make me cry.
The hows are crushing me again.
People gush over how cute I would look pregnant and what cute kids I'd have. They want me to catch the baby bug. But I am sick of having it.
I hate to want something so bad and feel like it is a lost cause but try anyway. To save and save and blow my life's savings and loans and have it fail. The sadness I would bring to so many. All I will want is to die. I promised myself I would never kill myself in my twenties nor if I had to write a note. And I would have to. I am just going to hold the hopeless hope that I might do the incredible.
I grow so tired of crying.
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