Hiding

I have other blogs.  One for my family, one for my eating disorder, and now, ultimately, one for the root of my eating disorder.  Chances are, if you are reading this blog, you already know what MRKH is.  I have lived with this secret, that I have MRKH, that I cannot get pregnant, ever since I was 14.  This blog is a way of coming out--and I am coming out to strangers . . . under an alias.  I still hide.  Why?  I need to let it out, I need to be me, and accept how others will perceive me.  But I just haven't arrived at the ability to do that.  Even as I write this, I am concerned that if any adoption agencies, or surrogacy agencies ever read this, they would deny me a child.  Because, what is to follow are all my secrets.  All my lashing outs. What will be here is how a woman thinks when she has lived with MRKH and infertility for so long.  Though, these words would never escape my lips.