This I do

-Scratch myself raw in the shower
-Pull out my eyelashes
-Constantly plan meals but never eat them
-Eat less than 500 calories a day
-Use herbal laxatives
-Hate my body
-Plan every menu each day so I won't go over

I know that these things are developing a potentially bad health system. It is not every day I am less than 500 calories but I feel awful when it is. I never throw it up. So let's say I ate well but then someone wants t go out for drinks and happy hour. I know I am going over. I will just pop some herbal laxatives when I get home.

At work, I consume around 100-200 calories all day. Some of my co-workers have noticed this and have started making comments about my meals. So now I try not to eat around them at all. Deniability.

But I am not an anorexic. I don't excessively work out. I can't, I don't get the time, and I don't have the energy. Because of that I am still way bigger than I would like to be. Plus, I am also afraid that I will pass out if I push myself to do that. And if that happens then everyone is going to lose their shit.