Don't get me wrong, I have a strong sense of who I am. If you met me today, you would think I was a lucky girl that has her life together. I would smile at you, make jokes with you, go to lunch with you, and generally be someone you admire. I am sorry to tell you it is all fake.
I hate that I have gotten to a point in which my future seems like it will just be pointless. Just going through the motions of each day, trying to find happiness in moments, but never quite finding it. I have imagined and accepted a childless future. But only for me. I have not accepted my husband's childless future. That part really bothers me. That part makes me want to die. That part makes me sadder than anything else--because I am the problem--not him. I keep hoping that something terrible happens to me so that he can move on and find happiness with a family. Leave me here, save yourself. My future is already determined.
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